EmptyInside (thelastbandito) wrote,

On my Friends Journals page right now.

There are exactly 9 Post From Today.
There are exactly 2 Posts From the Future.


This is unacceptable.

As of now, all extra-curricular activity in the forms of 'Real Lives' has been suspended, until daily Live Journal content returns to acceptable levels.

Anyone caught participating in anything resembling an event, gathering, social exhibition, or something more enjoyable than entertaining thelastbandito will be subject to arrest, summary judgement, and immediate punishment.

Punishments will being with: A stern talking to, whilst pointing and/or shaking an index finger at the offender.
(NOTE: Index finger may or may not be attached, alive, human, and/or my own)

Severe punishments:
In the event of a severe violation of these new laws, The Department of Ninja's has authorized the use of 'intense humiliation by public disclosure of factual genital statistics and measurements' to deal with male offenders. Should this not serve to reform the criminal element, disciplinary measures will be escalated to include the distrubution of photo-documentation for the afore mentioned statistics and measurements.

In the case of female offenders:
The Department of Ninja's has deemed the appropriate punishment to be the replacement of all daily use mirrors and/or reflective surfaces (read: Windows, Glass Doors, Shiny Things, etc.) with replica surfaces that have been given a concave surface bevel. This bevel should thereby generate the convincing illusion that the subject has mysteriously gained ~5 - 10 pounds overnight, depending on viewing angle. Multiple offenses will cause our crack Ninja Enforcement Team to replace these surfaces on a daily basis, gradually increasing the angle of concavity to effect the appearance of uncontrollable weight gain.

In order that the new laws detailed in this post not catch anyone, UNAWARE, as well, to prevent any frivolous waste of our Judicial Department's time with such Twinkie Defense arguments like "I DID NOT KNOW?!", these laws will not be put into effect until Star Date: April 13th, 2005 at 7:45PM PST.

Which is in exactly... NOW.

Take care, and remember to abide by all laws and regulations enforced by the nation of Prestonia.
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